Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
two words: eviction party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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