based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
