ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
