I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
