The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize