The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
