Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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