I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
