dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize