So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
