Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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