I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
