I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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