with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
