he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
