tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
