I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
