i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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