I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
