Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
