The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
