My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
