Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
