I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
