i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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