he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
