that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
