You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
