My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
