I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
