i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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