hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
