Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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