How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
