Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
