i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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