I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
