Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
