Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
