Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
