threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
