Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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