Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
