Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there's paper in my vomit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
