I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
