One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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