oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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