Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize