I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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