Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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