i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
