Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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