I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
