I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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