y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
