Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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