Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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