I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
