i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
