Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
