I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
