I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
