Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
