Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
